Packets

I have my life
arranged in little packets.

A pack of meat, eggs and vegetables,
I marinate, beat and cut
to feed the hunger rising from my depths.

A packed basket of clothes,
to suit every occasion, and,
to cover the little things i feel in between.

And of course an ice- pack,
to soothe my swollen joints
or maybe a bruised heart.

Dead Weight

You promised to let me fly
into the heights of the infinite sky,
and you did fly with me
in exhilarating joy;
but I realize love, now,
that your love was -
weighing down-
down by my ankle
like a dead dead weight,
not letting me soar,
nor letting me drift,
even towards
the nearly distant shore... 

Alice in Realityland #5

This has been going on for days now. There was nothing Alice could do about it. Was it some kind of unknown psychological condition? Was she going mad? It seemed so, cause she hadn't heard of anybody speak about having such an experience...

She could see them erupting out of her brain like a violent volcano, floating around, like debris after a flood. Every action of her body was spewing them out like earthworms from the depths of the earth. Her senses sight, sound, smell, taste, touch to even the flow of blood in her veins spilled them  and they were crawling around directionless. There wasn't a way to control them. She could see alphabets limping, crawling, wriggling and then suddenly shuffling, combining, altering to form words. It was like a chain reaction.

Alice was listening to those around her and she could feel her thoughts transforming into words. They asked her questions and she answered but she could see them waiting for her to speak. She was confused and opened her mouth to speak again like she did a few moments ago, only to realize that the words were choking her, refusing to come out though a few had inched its way to the tip of her tongue. She coughed hard trying to expel them. Some leaped out but were found lying still and motionless on the ground.

#AliceinRealityland

Helpless

Have you ever felt as helpless-
as a member in the audience,
who can do nothing to save his super hero
even as you are hit by premonitions
that he is going to breathe his last?

Have you ever felt as helpless-
as a traveller,
walking straight and in circles, frenetic,
through every road and alleyway
trying to trace back the spot where he began,
only to be lost again by the directions on the google map?

Have you ever felt as helpless-
as a patient,
lying patiently on a dentist's chair,
while his rotten teeth is being probed, filled or plucked
when all he wants to do is just leave?

Have you ever felt (helpless) ,
as if your heart and soul is being ripped from your body,
and hurled in two different directions
at the loss of someone?

Have you ever felt helpless???

Alice in Realityland #4

It was just another uneventful weekend and li'l Alice was at the beach as always. In fact going to the beach on the weekends had been a family custom ever since she could remember. If Rachel's friends were around (to say of which she had very few) they would even go there at noon to fly kites. But today she was in a deeply contemplative mood and li'l Alice had nothing else to do but build sand castles. Getting into the water was out of question as her big sister was totally unwilling to go anyway near it. Without her Alice was not allowed to go as that was the instruction of her parents!

After awhile bored li'l Alice started chasing the little crabs, scuttling by, into their holes in the sand. Some of them even hid under the boulders which were laid on the beach. Although scared, that if she happened to fall into the gap in between she would be forgotten forever, she liked these large chunks of stones. The space in between them were magical, where often she would spot a scrubby rat or a meditative crab or rarely even a not so pretty snake winding past. But today she noticed something else by the beach. Something she hadn't noticed till then. It got her so excited that she ran straight to Rachel without wasting even a minute.

"Rachel..." she called out loud "you're gonna thank me for what I found...I bet you can never guess..." and dragged Rachel out from her meditation.

"What is it this time you imp? A rat, snake, crab or a blue whale???". Asked Rachel in a tone of irritation and sarcasm.

"It's even more interesting" replied Alice and this roused Rachel's curiosity. She followed Alice to see what this hue and cry was all about.

"See how lovely those mangoes are... Who would have thought of finding those at the beach. Would you please pluck me one. We can go home and have it with salt and chilly... ", said Alice salivating.

"Are you out of your head Alice? Can't you see? Those are not mangoes." scolded her big sister.

"Those are mangoes and I want them now" said stubborn Alice who was on the verge of tears.

"Now, now, dont start crying, lest appa and amma think that I have done something to you... ", said Rachel in a unusually mellowed tone. She then gathered patience and like an expert botanist tried to prove to Alice that those were not mangoes, but something locally known as 'othalanga', which if knowingly or unknowingly consumed could lead to a very menial end.

Rachel reminded her of how fews months ago Aayah had lost her son  consuming it.  The whole dreadful event came back to lil Alice's mind. She vividly remembered attending the funeral. The sorrow on Aayah's damp face, especially how distraught the whole family was when the church had decided that the young man's body can only be interred  in the ostracized part of the cemetery, 'themadikuzhi', and that too without the rituals, as he had committed suicide. Some said he had done it out of heartbreak and others said that it was because he couldn't pay back his debt. But they were all sure that he would defenitely go to hell.

The memories started gushing into li'l Alice's mind and suddenly in a series of images she saw herself consuming that deathly fruit following which she was lying in a coffin with a cross and rosary in her hand and wreath of white flowers on her head. She clung to Rachel crying and asked "Won't they allow us to enter heaven if we happened to eat this fruit by accident or out of despair?".

#Aliceinrealityland

Floating

Let us float
You and i
like dead leaves upon water
yellowish and stiff
staring straight up to
the heaving heavens
moving motionless
slowly towards eternity ...