Friday, February 22, 2019

Alice in Realityland #4

It was just another uneventful weekend and li'l Alice was at the beach as always. In fact going to the beach on the weekends had been a family custom ever since she could remember. If Rachel's friends were around (to say of which she had very few) they would even go there at noon to fly kites. But today she was in a deeply contemplative mood and li'l Alice had nothing else to do but build sand castles. Getting into the water was out of question as her big sister was totally unwilling to go anyway near it. Without her Alice was not allowed to go as that was the instruction of her parents!

After awhile bored li'l Alice started chasing the little crabs, scuttling by, into their holes in the sand. Some of them even hid under the boulders which were laid on the beach. Although scared, that if she happened to fall into the gap in between she would be forgotten forever, she liked these large chunks of stones. The space in between them were magical, where often she would spot a scrubby rat or a meditative crab or rarely even a not so pretty snake winding past. But today she noticed something else by the beach. Something she hadn't noticed till then. It got her so excited that she ran straight to Rachel without wasting even a minute.

"Rachel..." she called out loud "you're gonna thank me for what I found...I bet you can never guess..." and dragged Rachel out from her meditation.

"What is it this time you imp? A rat, snake, crab or a blue whale???". Asked Rachel in a tone of irritation and sarcasm.

"It's even more interesting" replied Alice and this roused Rachel's curiosity. She followed Alice to see what this hue and cry was all about.

"See how lovely those mangoes are... Who would have thought of finding those at the beach. Would you please pluck me one. We can go home and have it with salt and chilly... ", said Alice salivating.

"Are you out of your head Alice? Can't you see? Those are not mangoes." scolded her big sister.

"Those are mangoes and I want them now" said stubborn Alice who was on the verge of tears.

"Now, now, dont start crying, lest appa and amma think that I have done something to you... ", said Rachel in a unusually mellowed tone. She then gathered patience and like an expert botanist tried to prove to Alice that those were not mangoes, but something locally known as 'othalanga', which if knowingly or unknowingly consumed could lead to a very menial end.

Rachel reminded her of how fews months ago Aayah had lost her son  consuming it.  The whole dreadful event came back to lil Alice's mind. She vividly remembered attending the funeral. The sorrow on Aayah's damp face, especially how distraught the whole family was when the church had decided that the young man's body can only be interred  in the ostracized part of the cemetery, 'themadikuzhi', and that too without the rituals, as he had committed suicide. Some said he had done it out of heartbreak and others said that it was because he couldn't pay back his debt. But they were all sure that he would defenitely go to hell.

The memories started gushing into li'l Alice's mind and suddenly in a series of images she saw herself consuming that deathly fruit following which she was lying in a coffin with a cross and rosary in her hand and wreath of white flowers on her head. She clung to Rachel crying and asked "Won't they allow us to enter heaven if we happened to eat this fruit by accident or out of despair?".

#Aliceinrealityland







Tuesday, February 12, 2019

Floating

Let us float
You and i
like dead leaves upon water
yellowish and stiff
staring straight up to
the heaving heavens
moving motionless
slowly towards eternity ... 

Thursday, July 26, 2018

Mirror




Oh twin soul!
You called me  beautiful, capable, brave...
only to realize 
I have been fed by antonyms
which I carry in my pocket like poetry
reducing me to nothingness,
waking the
Plain
Incapable
Coward 
asleep deep down inside...
Liar! Liar!  

Sunday, May 6, 2018

Soulmates

True love 
is soul's recognition of its counterpart in another...
I reiterated 
the cheesy lines from a Hollywood pic to him.

One thing I know, 
he said,
the hardest thing is to love, 
to be loved 
and to be always in love...

No matter how hard, 
thought I, 
isn't love and its recognition
the only thing which the soul craves for 
and makes it complete?


Wednesday, May 2, 2018

Fly Me Back to the State of Dreamlessness


Fly me back to the state of dreamlessness,
where nothing exists 
but heavy emptiness;
where sleep demands no dreaming
and wakefulness expects 
just daily fulfillment
of chores and other errands...

Fly me back to the state of dreamlessness,
Where loneliness is just a state of mind,
and creativity not demanded;
where one is not tormented 
by desires or expectations
but just the daily fulfillment
of chores and other errands...

Saturday, April 28, 2018

Alice in Realityland #3

" Ask her to take me mom. I want to go with her..." cried lil Alice stubbornly to make her teenaged elder sister relent. " Why does she have to tag along everywhere I go?", replied Rachel exasperated. " Rachel take her with you.  Otherwise... you are not stepping out of this house." Ordered mother. No option but to accede, angrily she turned to Alice and called her a " pest" and stormed out . Lil Alice went behind her sis giggling. She had won. If she hadn't yielded to her mom's words Rachel could not have gone for her daily bicycle ride in the evening.

Cycling on her red bicycle , carefree, was something Rachel enjoyed most especially during her summer vacation when she was stuck up at home most of the time. In the evenings she used to pedal along the street slowly and leisurely enjoying her time alone with herself. Today Alice had forcefully joined in. Although she was angry initially , Rachel slowly calmed down.  When ever she was cycling a little ditty would come to her mind and she would sing aloud. Today lil Alice joined with her. Rachel sang the first line " Land of silver birch..." " Home of the Beaver..." Sang  Alice and together continued singing the lines describing a faraway land which they had no inkling about.

As they rode along the narrow streets of the sleepy town, where everyone knew everyone, a gang of three young boys  a lil older than Rachel suddenly came in and started circling around her bicycle. They were whistling aloud. They have been nagging her for sometime now. "I love you Rachel" , cried out one. Although she was fuming red, she didn't answer back. She knew she had to take care of the lil one. "Why can't you say yes? I've been waiting for so long" he added. Lil Alice just sat there blinking not knowing what she should do. "Get lost you jerk" replied Rachel quite boldly and somehow managed to steer off when she saw some elders approaching.

As they continued on with their ride lil Alice couldn't hide her curiosity. "Can I ask u something Rach?  " she enquired to which her sister irritably countered "what now?"
"Will you get pregnant with a baby" asked Lil Alice seriously.
"What?? Why are you asking me such a question?"  quipped her sis.
"That guy said 'I Love You' right. I think you are pregnant now".
 Unable to hold on to her laughter Rachel replied "how did you get such an idea? Baby's are not made that way. You are too little to understand it right now. When you grow up you will..."

This was an eye opener to lil Alice. She had always thought that if a guy either touched or said I love you or even winked you get pregnant. When she told her sis about this she laughed her lungs out. She then understood that she had to go a long way to understand such complicated things and started singing where they had left off.

#Alice in Realityland

Wednesday, April 25, 2018

Alice in Realityland #2

That morning she was crying hard. The previous night had left her exhausted. Her baby was sound asleep. Everything looked peaceful and calm , but she just couldn't hold on to her tears. Her whole body was aching. Her breasts sore. " This is how life is!" exclaimed her mother. " Did you think that motherhood was a cakewalk? Every woman has to go through this. So stop crying! ." Although she was drowning in her own tears she didn't utter a word. Everyday seemed more  rigorous and her body seemed to be wearing down despite of it being more than a month since she had her baby. She had no one to confide. She had thought that having a baby was all that she wanted. She had dreamt of it as just baby giggles and happy times... as picture perfect as in the ads. She had waited for this moment for so long... but now she feels like she just can't handle it anymore. She felt imprisoned by her own body and her duties. There were moments when she felt like running away.

Suddenly she could understand it completely. The woman jumping off the hospital building two days after giving birth. All those who read the newspaper article had thought she was crazy. But now it made complete sense. Complete sense!

#Alice in Realityland# Postpartum needs emotional care# It is real!